


McTed

by kevintheturkey



Series: Six Things Are All We Need [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Nonsense, background drinking games, prompt, stuffed bears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:08:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9660626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kevintheturkey/pseuds/kevintheturkey
Summary: McCree has too much to drink at a party and steals a new friend.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this is as fun to read as it was to write.
> 
> Item Prompt: cup, piano, sharpie, teddybear, wallet, blouse

Jesse wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to steal the teddy bear or not. He was  _ more  _ than drunk enough to do it, hell, he would do it sober, but there was something about how it looked at him that put him off. It seemed to know him, a cuddly buddy that was still his friend despite knowing his flaws. This bear was the realest, truest friend he would ever have, unlike Fareeha, who was letting Angela’s hands roam up her blouse as they made out next to him. Shit, which one of them was the designated driver again? This bear wouldn’t get drunk, and even if it did it would probably pay for the Über home. 

Wasn’t it only right for Jesse to return the favor by getting the bear off that dusty shelf, and giving it a wash? He was only trying to be a good friend!

The bear, however, saw past him. It’s cold, lifeless eyes bore into his soul and mercilessly judged him for so much as thinking about kidnapping. It would call the police, and serve as judge, jury and executioner on his trial. He’d spend the rest of his life in prison. His only visitor being the heartless bastard that threw him in there. 

There was only one way to solve this moral dilemma: more booze. 

Jesse hauled himself off the sofa, stumbling into the cool sunroom. 

The soft piano flitting through the speakers clashed against the jumble of noise and activity in the rest of the stifling house. Freshly mowed grass mingled with decaying leaves, crickets chirping in harmony as the wind brushed the trees. 

Jesse grabbed another Solo, illegibly scribbling his name on the side with a nearby Sharpie. Pouring some more beer into the cup, he watched the bear thoughtfully. 

The bear stared back, sending Jesse into his midlife crisis several years ahead of schedule. Squirming under its gaze, he shifted his attention to movement in the kitchen window. As Jesse watched Lena lose her cup in a round of Boom, he decided he wanted to leave. 

And he was taking that bear with him. 

He lunged over the mantle and secured his soft friend, before throwing his empty cup at Angela. 

She pulled away from Fareeha with a start, face flushed and hair askew, pointing a glare at McCree that could only be rivalled by a stuffed bear. 

He was 89% sure that she was the witch from Hansel and Gretel. 

“What the hell, Jesse?” She slurred through her thick accent. 

“‘M leavin’,” he told her. She rolled her eyes and shooed him away, going back to who she was doing.

As he was walking out the door, he heard chanting from the kitchen:   
“WE LIKE TO DRINK WITH LENA, BECAUSE LENA IS OUR FRIEND! LENA IS OUR FRIEND, AND WE LIKE TO DRINK WITH LENA! TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!”

With haste, he stumbled out to the front yard and took out his phone. He burped while he loaded the app, and pissed on the mailbox while he waited for his driver.

Soon enough, a shiny black car pulled to the side, honking to catch Jesse’s attention. He practically fell onto the smooth, leather backseat. 

“Thanks, man,” he told the driver. 

“Where are you going?” he asked Jesse. Heh, he sounded like Genji. 

“‘M name’s Jesse,” he introduced himself.

“I don’t care,” he was ruder than Genji, “where are you going?”

“My apartment,” he answered proudly. “I pay the rent all by myself.”

The driver growled, turning to face Jesse. His dark eyes and sharp cheekbones stabbed him in the heart. 

“Where is it?” He repeated.

“Uhm,” Jesse stared, mouth going dry at the same time as his mind went numb. “236 Evansmill.”

He nodded before returning to the road, putting the car into drive.

“B!” He shouted, suddenly remembering the last digit of his address. 

The driver groaned, heading towards Jesse’s apartment an illegal speed. 

“He’s hot,” he stage-whispered to the bear. It agreed; not-Genji was hotter than an iron griddle on an open fire.  

“We’re here,” Not-Genji announced as he suddenly braked the car, smashing Jesse’s nose into the seat. 

McCree gaped as he peeled himself off the front seat, awed at the buildings on the other side of the glass.

“That’s my apartment,” he stated. “How did we get here?”

“Leave.”

Jesse scooted towards the door, before stopping to fiddle with something in his pocket. 

“Hold on there, I forgot to give you a tip. That’s not very ladyman-like of me,” he pulled out his wallet and threw it at Not-Genji. 

“Thanks for the ride!” He crawled out of the car and into the foyer of his building, where he crashed on a lumpy loveseat.

Two days later, Real-Genji came up to Jesse at work and handed him his wallet. 

“My brother wanted me to give this to you.”

“Huh,” he opened it to count his cards and cash. “I was wondering where that ran off to.”

“There is one more thing,” Genji added. 

Satisfied with its contents, Jesse shoved his wallet into his jacket pocket. 

“Shoot.”

“I want my bear back.”

**Author's Note:**

> According to Urban Dictionary, the drinking game in this fic was created at my school.   
> Don't drink kids, alcohol is a very bad.


End file.
